Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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