i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
