note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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