he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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