I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
