If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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