Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
