Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
