I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
