We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
