Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
