She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
