I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
