At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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