he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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