she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
