Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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