dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize