just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
