remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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