The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
