Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
