oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
