Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
