I smell stomach acid.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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