well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
