My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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