U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
wow bdsm is so cute
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