she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
