DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
