Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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