4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
