My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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