we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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