I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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