Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
