Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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