I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
