but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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