I think i peed on brittanys purse
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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