You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
