when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
