I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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