dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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