Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
