Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
