I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
