Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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