i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my being single is dangerous.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
