I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
