idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to walk on stilts...naked
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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