I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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