yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
