If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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