Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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