went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
