BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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