His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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