Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
