im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
