No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
