I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
