I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
