I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
