Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
