Sponge bath it is.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
